Never Regret A Friendship
I grew up very alone, the first eight years of my life are the most normal I can remember. I had a great life with my mother, visits with my father, everybody loved me, I was every body's princess. But suddenly without a warning I found myself in a foreign country without my mother, without my dear cousins, grandma or friends. It was the biggest shock, a nightmare, my biggest trauma.
And so at age eight I had to retreat, I checked out, it was easier to live day to day rather than acknowledging what had just happened and what was now happening to me. I would often travel in my own thoughts to a far away land, I would day dream a lot, I had dreams of singing and acting and traveling the world, becoming rich and to help my family back home.
I come from an interesting background and experiences. I was so afraid to become close to anyone, I did not want to make friends, sure I had friends, my elders saw me play and would bring me around people but in my heart and mind I was completely detached, I was long term absent. As I grew up I realized that the parenting style I was growing under also was very limiting for me and did not enable me to build healthy relationships with anyone. Friendships were off limits in my view.
It was not until grade six that I started to open up. I had recently changed school's, I went from grade four English school to grade six full French speaking school. I was not happy at the time but never felt I really had any say, I was so afraid, but in the end it was a great decision because I learnt the language and had amazing teachers that helped me develop. It was in this french school, Terre des Jeunes, that I for the first time since I was eight began to truly feel again. I started to become aware again, my memories started to record again, I started to feel happiness, I found happiness in learning this new language and I felt so special for the first time in a long time.
The main teachers that helped me come back to reality were Mme Denise and Monsieur Mark, they were both so kind and would always compliment my work, they saw ME, I don't know how but they did and slowly they helped me begin to blossom. I was the teacher's pet and I loved it, it was beginning to feel like home, sure it would never be home, but I was determined to enjoy every minute of this "home".
I finally started building friendships, my besties were Angela and Chantale, but I was friends with everyone, in school I had friends, outside was a different story, so for me summer was the worst time of the year. Every year more and more friendships were added but soon enough high school came and most got separated, other changed clicks, and so on and so forth.
I hated high school, I had lots of friends but in the older grades, they were more awesome, non judgmental and less assholes and bitches. In my own grade I got along with everybody but was not interested in their silly drama and stupid choices.
So once again I felt separated, and thrown into a new world, afraid to connect. Even though I did hang with girls and boys and had a pretty fulfilling click I always felt incomplete. I went back to El Salvador and finally I felt alive, I had TONES of friends, good friends, real friends, I was allowed to have friendships with whoever and allowed to develop those friendships, I had both male and female friends and I never felt better. By this time that fog over my mind had completely disappeared and felt I was back to reality for good.
Since than I have developed many friendships, lost a few on my way and gained plenty more. My heart is always wide open, I welcome all people from all paths into my life and love them tones. I have discovered that one of my biggest gifts is the ability to love my friends with no conditions and to stay. The only people I take out of my life are those that attack, those that purposely try to sabotage your happiness or bring you down. I have so many friends, I am blessed to have plenty of beautiful souls in my life. I do however have only a handful of soul mate friends and for them I'd die for.
I have learned that people don't have to die to mourn them, and that it's okay to move on.
Not every friendship will be a long term one and its okay, healthy and normal. They will each teach you something and make you a better person.
Sometimes we lose friends due to paths in life, just naturally grow apart or even fights. But a true friend will remain and be by your side always no matter what. Surround yourself with friendships that make you happy, compliment who you are and accept you. People that take time out of their oh so "busy" schedule to touch base with you. Mostly with people that YOU feel naturally able to do all of the above for.
Every season in your life brings new friendships and its important to learn to let go of toxic, non productive, negative beings and to welcome positive, happy, loving ones. Some stay through it all, others move along in different directions and that is okay.
A real friend will always support and love you in every season, at your ugliest times with your bad breath, no makeup and saggy boobs, with your messy hair, funny feet and stinky farts. A REAL friend will always approach you with love and respect, if ever you need a slap in the face they will ask you first and than kiss it better, but a true perfect soul mate friend will always find a gentle way and refrain from any slapping. A real friend will never criticize and attack you, they will always with love, kindness and respect help you grow.
Side Note:
I incorporated a small look into my childhood so that you can see that it is never too late to open up your heart and have faith in humanity. That building loving, healthy long term friendships is possible no matter your experiences. YOU are the creator of your own destiny, YOU have the right to chose who comes in to your life and who deserves to stay in it. YOU are capable of giving love and deserving of receiving.
Be patient with yourself and never give up!
Stay Fresh!
@aggbeans (twitter)
I put up a new post every Tuesday.
And so at age eight I had to retreat, I checked out, it was easier to live day to day rather than acknowledging what had just happened and what was now happening to me. I would often travel in my own thoughts to a far away land, I would day dream a lot, I had dreams of singing and acting and traveling the world, becoming rich and to help my family back home.
I come from an interesting background and experiences. I was so afraid to become close to anyone, I did not want to make friends, sure I had friends, my elders saw me play and would bring me around people but in my heart and mind I was completely detached, I was long term absent. As I grew up I realized that the parenting style I was growing under also was very limiting for me and did not enable me to build healthy relationships with anyone. Friendships were off limits in my view.
It was not until grade six that I started to open up. I had recently changed school's, I went from grade four English school to grade six full French speaking school. I was not happy at the time but never felt I really had any say, I was so afraid, but in the end it was a great decision because I learnt the language and had amazing teachers that helped me develop. It was in this french school, Terre des Jeunes, that I for the first time since I was eight began to truly feel again. I started to become aware again, my memories started to record again, I started to feel happiness, I found happiness in learning this new language and I felt so special for the first time in a long time.
The main teachers that helped me come back to reality were Mme Denise and Monsieur Mark, they were both so kind and would always compliment my work, they saw ME, I don't know how but they did and slowly they helped me begin to blossom. I was the teacher's pet and I loved it, it was beginning to feel like home, sure it would never be home, but I was determined to enjoy every minute of this "home".
I finally started building friendships, my besties were Angela and Chantale, but I was friends with everyone, in school I had friends, outside was a different story, so for me summer was the worst time of the year. Every year more and more friendships were added but soon enough high school came and most got separated, other changed clicks, and so on and so forth.
I hated high school, I had lots of friends but in the older grades, they were more awesome, non judgmental and less assholes and bitches. In my own grade I got along with everybody but was not interested in their silly drama and stupid choices.
So once again I felt separated, and thrown into a new world, afraid to connect. Even though I did hang with girls and boys and had a pretty fulfilling click I always felt incomplete. I went back to El Salvador and finally I felt alive, I had TONES of friends, good friends, real friends, I was allowed to have friendships with whoever and allowed to develop those friendships, I had both male and female friends and I never felt better. By this time that fog over my mind had completely disappeared and felt I was back to reality for good.
Since than I have developed many friendships, lost a few on my way and gained plenty more. My heart is always wide open, I welcome all people from all paths into my life and love them tones. I have discovered that one of my biggest gifts is the ability to love my friends with no conditions and to stay. The only people I take out of my life are those that attack, those that purposely try to sabotage your happiness or bring you down. I have so many friends, I am blessed to have plenty of beautiful souls in my life. I do however have only a handful of soul mate friends and for them I'd die for.
I have learned that people don't have to die to mourn them, and that it's okay to move on.
Not every friendship will be a long term one and its okay, healthy and normal. They will each teach you something and make you a better person.
Sometimes we lose friends due to paths in life, just naturally grow apart or even fights. But a true friend will remain and be by your side always no matter what. Surround yourself with friendships that make you happy, compliment who you are and accept you. People that take time out of their oh so "busy" schedule to touch base with you. Mostly with people that YOU feel naturally able to do all of the above for.
Every season in your life brings new friendships and its important to learn to let go of toxic, non productive, negative beings and to welcome positive, happy, loving ones. Some stay through it all, others move along in different directions and that is okay.
A real friend will always support and love you in every season, at your ugliest times with your bad breath, no makeup and saggy boobs, with your messy hair, funny feet and stinky farts. A REAL friend will always approach you with love and respect, if ever you need a slap in the face they will ask you first and than kiss it better, but a true perfect soul mate friend will always find a gentle way and refrain from any slapping. A real friend will never criticize and attack you, they will always with love, kindness and respect help you grow.
Side Note:
I incorporated a small look into my childhood so that you can see that it is never too late to open up your heart and have faith in humanity. That building loving, healthy long term friendships is possible no matter your experiences. YOU are the creator of your own destiny, YOU have the right to chose who comes in to your life and who deserves to stay in it. YOU are capable of giving love and deserving of receiving.
Be patient with yourself and never give up!
Stay Fresh!
@aggbeans (twitter)
I put up a new post every Tuesday.
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