BOMB ASS DAY

Today was an amazing glorious day. I took my power back. I allowed my voice to sound rather than drown it as a form of "keeping the peace".

I have been dealing with a lot of someone else's "stuff " for quite some time now. To my surprise the very people who know the unhealthy behaviors of this person were the very ones who turned their backs on me and my children when we most needed that love and support.

For me, that is the ultimate no-no. You cannot say and act like you care for someone as long as things go your way and the minute the person stands up for themselves or has a different view than yours you not only turn your back on them but you literally block them in all ways possible. Completely shunned.

My Kids did not deserve that and frankly neither did I ! 

Something triggered me last night, or much rather someone's toxic behavior did - and my sleep was severely affected, I cried for 2 hours straight,  I was up all night running scenes of the past and present in my brain and I imagined myself actually saying something, speaking up for my truth and not allowing these people to shut me down and treat me like I was the one who did something wrong.

Look, I'm not perfect that's for sure, however I own up to my faults and take ACTION towards improving myself. However,  when it comes to any level of violence,  I will never agree with anyone who turns on the receiver ("victim").

The sun came up, and I was still awake, still thinking,  still anxious, still shaking, still sad, still angry. So I took action and made myself a therapy appointment.

Best thing I could have done. I am always truthful I in my appointments, today's truth was that I'm fucken pissed, I've had enough, my family has endured enough. I've been silently taking their shit long enough. I dont want to explode, I don't want to become a toxic person.

I needed to talk through this and figure out a way that I can finally stand up for myself, be heard, set my boundaries with no fear and demand the respect I deserve.... without being a total bitch or lash out.

I did it !!!!! I freaking did just that ! I might have come across as a bitch because I've never been so stern , but I know I wasn't. I stood my ground, I set my boundaries,  I was clear and respectful yet I was still not being heard and being questioned.  So I had to be a little more direct and tell the person, look this is my boundary,  I need it to be respected,  I don't need to give an explanation and I would appreciate minimal communication as its not healthy.

The therapist called me back to check-in and we celebrated!!! It felt amazing! The therapist was so lovely and pointed out so many awesome things about all this that I had failed to applaud myself for.

All this to say that, if YOU are struggling- is it really YOU? First look around,  you might just be surrounded by assholes hahaha, your anger might just be telling you ENOUGH time for YOU to matter.

My message to you: I encourage you to reach out and talk to a professional. 

You are lovely and deserving of kindness and ultimate respect. Don't settle for less.

Remember that NO is a complete sentence and you don't owe anybody any explanation for your boundaries. They are yours! Whether they seem a little odd to others, that's not your problem! Your job is to honor and respect YOUR NEEDS.

It's important to make the changes you want to see in your life for yourself, it starts with YOU! You must speak up in order to set the wheels of change and better. You are so deserving of it.

I hope this message is helpful to at least one person.

You're not alone.

Xoxo  

Ana