Are YOU ready to date
If you are just coming out of a breakup, want to be healthy, want to be the best you you can be, and find REAL love, than keep on reading.
I have had my fair share of romantic relationships, two serious ones in which I was engaged. I have learned so much, I am wiser in regards to matters of the heart.
Regardless of how much I wanted to just enjoy being single I never allowed myself to because there was always line ups of men interrested in me and as silly as it sounds I used to feel bad saying no, so I would always at least say yes to one date, and than either tell them we are better of as friends or change my number. Those were the old immature days of my life. Although, I do realise now that it was also fear to discover more of me and face myself.
I grew up feeling guilty for saying no or knowing what I wanted. I was never really aloud to voice my opinion, yet alone have a say in what I wanted out of life and for myself ,so those beliefs tranfered into my younger dating years. I also carried alot suppressed feelings that were easily ignored when in the high of dating, self reflection and alone time was something scary at the time, but now I am loving it a little too much.
I never had the chance to just be and enjoy myself, MY life and care about ME. It is so shocking to me that for the first time in 29 years i am caring for ME, I am actualy putting ME first. I am single for the second time in my life but this time TRULY single not even seeing anyone or going for dinners etc, and have been for now a year and a half, the most incredible part of it all is that I am LOVING it! and I actualy do not want it to change any time soon, I never realised how amazing I am and how awesome it is to be in a relationship with myself.
Sure it would be fun to start dating and find a connection, I am totaly opened to that idea but I know I am not 100% ready and therefore it would be unfair to my potential mate to embark in anything more than a friendship with me.
Top ways to know if you are ready to date:
1. Are you over your ex and no longer emotionaly invested in them?
Are you still your exes "best friend" and feel that if the right one comes along THEY will have to "work hard" to win you over? Awesome! This is a clear an concrete fact that you are 100% not in a position to date!
"If you are so amazing, it will be easy for me to move forward and stop thinking of my ex" That thought pattern says that you are emotionaly unavailable, you expect others to do the emotional work of getting you over your ex. This is not only unhealthy for you but also unfair to others, they are not the issue and are not responsible for your past negative experience.
Alot of people keep exes as friends, these are walking dead memories, baggage, loose pennies! Get rid of the dead weight!* For you to be emotionaly available for a new relationship you need to set clear boundaries and not allow old flames to hop in and out of your life to use you up to quench their thirst for attention or clean their emotional mess, these are two things they should do for themselves, and if they are so needy and uncapable to do that for themselves than they have bigger issues and the more reason for you to move on. You are being USED, and if you are ok with that than stop trying to get into a new relationship cause that makes you a user too.
*note that maintaining a friendship with an ex is acceptable depending on various factors which will be discussed in a later post.
2. I know and acknoledge that sex and love are NOT the same thing.
http://blog.californiapsychics.com/blog/2011/02/love-and-sex-is-it-the-same.html
3. You are aware of your boundaries/ deal breakers/ red flags.
4. You can successfuly spend time alone, doing nothing.
Initialy right after a breakup people will tell you to keep busy, great advise right? NOT. This only postpones having to deal with the raw emotions and facts of the matter.
There are tones of anti-grieving pills i.e.: stay busy, join the gym, party, give others a chance etc etc. Don't take these without a prior meal of self love and emotional acknowledgement.
5. You are able to smile at your past and be thankful for it.
Being able to smile and be thankful about not only the breakup itself but the previous existance of the relationship while knowingly accepting the loss is a sign that you have grown. So clearly you took some positive things from that experience and THAT is what past relationships are for, to learn and move forward a better, stronger and wiser person.
5. When a song no longer brings you to tears, when you can go to that place and not feel sad, and finaly when you no longer find yourself comparing your ex to the potential new mates.
If you are still doing at least one of the above than DO NOT start dating again, you will end up possibly making the same mistakes and either hurting more or the other new person in your life.
Respect and Love yourself enough to take this time and get to know you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Stay Fresh!
I have had my fair share of romantic relationships, two serious ones in which I was engaged. I have learned so much, I am wiser in regards to matters of the heart.
Regardless of how much I wanted to just enjoy being single I never allowed myself to because there was always line ups of men interrested in me and as silly as it sounds I used to feel bad saying no, so I would always at least say yes to one date, and than either tell them we are better of as friends or change my number. Those were the old immature days of my life. Although, I do realise now that it was also fear to discover more of me and face myself.
I grew up feeling guilty for saying no or knowing what I wanted. I was never really aloud to voice my opinion, yet alone have a say in what I wanted out of life and for myself ,so those beliefs tranfered into my younger dating years. I also carried alot suppressed feelings that were easily ignored when in the high of dating, self reflection and alone time was something scary at the time, but now I am loving it a little too much.
I never had the chance to just be and enjoy myself, MY life and care about ME. It is so shocking to me that for the first time in 29 years i am caring for ME, I am actualy putting ME first. I am single for the second time in my life but this time TRULY single not even seeing anyone or going for dinners etc, and have been for now a year and a half, the most incredible part of it all is that I am LOVING it! and I actualy do not want it to change any time soon, I never realised how amazing I am and how awesome it is to be in a relationship with myself.
Sure it would be fun to start dating and find a connection, I am totaly opened to that idea but I know I am not 100% ready and therefore it would be unfair to my potential mate to embark in anything more than a friendship with me.
Top ways to know if you are ready to date:
1. Are you over your ex and no longer emotionaly invested in them?
Are you still your exes "best friend" and feel that if the right one comes along THEY will have to "work hard" to win you over? Awesome! This is a clear an concrete fact that you are 100% not in a position to date!
"If you are so amazing, it will be easy for me to move forward and stop thinking of my ex" That thought pattern says that you are emotionaly unavailable, you expect others to do the emotional work of getting you over your ex. This is not only unhealthy for you but also unfair to others, they are not the issue and are not responsible for your past negative experience.
Alot of people keep exes as friends, these are walking dead memories, baggage, loose pennies! Get rid of the dead weight!* For you to be emotionaly available for a new relationship you need to set clear boundaries and not allow old flames to hop in and out of your life to use you up to quench their thirst for attention or clean their emotional mess, these are two things they should do for themselves, and if they are so needy and uncapable to do that for themselves than they have bigger issues and the more reason for you to move on. You are being USED, and if you are ok with that than stop trying to get into a new relationship cause that makes you a user too.
*note that maintaining a friendship with an ex is acceptable depending on various factors which will be discussed in a later post.
2. I know and acknoledge that sex and love are NOT the same thing.
http://blog.californiapsychics.com/blog/2011/02/love-and-sex-is-it-the-same.html
3. You are aware of your boundaries/ deal breakers/ red flags.
4. You can successfuly spend time alone, doing nothing.
Initialy right after a breakup people will tell you to keep busy, great advise right? NOT. This only postpones having to deal with the raw emotions and facts of the matter.
There are tones of anti-grieving pills i.e.: stay busy, join the gym, party, give others a chance etc etc. Don't take these without a prior meal of self love and emotional acknowledgement.
5. You are able to smile at your past and be thankful for it.
Being able to smile and be thankful about not only the breakup itself but the previous existance of the relationship while knowingly accepting the loss is a sign that you have grown. So clearly you took some positive things from that experience and THAT is what past relationships are for, to learn and move forward a better, stronger and wiser person.
5. When a song no longer brings you to tears, when you can go to that place and not feel sad, and finaly when you no longer find yourself comparing your ex to the potential new mates.
If you are still doing at least one of the above than DO NOT start dating again, you will end up possibly making the same mistakes and either hurting more or the other new person in your life.
Respect and Love yourself enough to take this time and get to know you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Stay Fresh!
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